it suddenly occurs to me, why did i live under control? from the first time i cook for him, he wasn't there to help me out or support me. he didn't enjoy the moments with me. and he said to me "my mum just wanna see if you would wash the bowls."

why did i allow myself to be put through all these unnecessary stress? do i have to meet a certain criteria in order for him to let me stay by his side? am i really being loved?

MY PART TWO

i wasn't an important part of his life. if i was, he would be really concerned about the way he treats me. life still goes on, but a person who loves you will make every effort to make you stay and live life with him. and during this stay, he wants to be the best for you. he doesn't want you to choose anybody else cause you're already the best for him.

someone who treat things important to you lightly, never gives you happiness. because they don't know love at all. don't force yourself to live in their world, as they will forget to take a peek at how you're doing in his world. if he ever caused you unhappiness or sufferings, he might never feel the guilt. and remember, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE HIS WORLD FOR YOU. cause his world is important, NOT YOU. he will never realize how cruel he is to you.

don't try to do many things for him, cause you will never be able to achieve significance in his heart. not matter how hard you try, you will never be of equal importance than those who were originally there. he doesn't know what is important in your world, he never wanted to be a part of it. because how happy you are in your life, simply doesn't concern or matter to him at all.

so humans, before you think whether a person is good enough for you, please ask yourself what do you have to offer. don't ever succumb to other's expectations, be who you have to be, cause those who appreciate you, never will expect this of you. they love you not the ideal. not their pride, not their face, and definitely not how their peers think of you. you are the only thing they love, nothing but you.

one of the saddest things in the world is to love somebody who doesn't love you back at all. although the words often hang on his mouth, it's painful to see his reminisce of his past lingers around his actions in the present. every move he makes, every word he says, i could see her in his eyes. whatever he does, there's always a part of her that can never be absent.

everytime he says "i love you", in my heart is always "me or her?" it's always the "are you sure" feeling i want to ask him. is he sure that he loves me? is he very sure that he can love me?

when you said "sorry i can't promise you anything cause my situation now, i know i cannot give you what you want." i could see your psychological barrier, her standing in the middle of me & you. and i could see that your choice was not to forget her. she is too inside of you, that's why you never tried thinking what was it that i want.

and it's so painful when i remember that it was you who insisted on starting this love. if you love me, why did you choose to bring me this pain? when you know it might hurt me, why didn't you stop? my life could have been much happier now.


it's often unfair, painful, and saddening, but yes, it happened in my life.

MY PART FOUR

for the past 6months, i've been living in this shadow called "belief". i believed that if i worked hard enough, one day he would love me differently. one day he will develop a new love for me and not force me to squeeze into his old one. but it just took a few heartbreaking sentence to let me know that this bubble was burst.

he would never ever have any space for me, never ever ....

i wish she will come back to you one day since i will never ever be as good as her in your heart.
if she ever comes back, i wish the both of you happiness forever ......

god bless you .....

AND FINALLY, MY SO CALLED "FINALE" ....

at this note of my life, i wished i never loved a guy. it has come to some point of my life where i contemplate to stop loving guys ......

i need to start loving myself and not live to be another person's ideal someone. i should not take the shadows of another woman to make my man love me.

if this fails, then i can try to love a girl ...
lesbianism has finally came across my mind, at this time ...

it suddenly occurs to me, why did i live under control? from the first time i cook for him, he wasn't there to help me out or support me. he didn't enjoy the moments with me. and he said to me "my mum just wanna see if you would wash the bowls."

why did i allow myself to be put through all these unnecessary stress? do i have to meet a certain criteria in order for him to let me stay by his side? am i really being loved?

MY PART TWO

i wasn't an important part of his life. if i was, he would be really concerned about the way he treats me. life still goes on, but a person who loves you will make every effort to make you stay and live life with him. and during this stay, he wants to be the best for you. he doesn't want you to choose anybody else cause you're already the best for him.

someone who treat things important to you lightly, never gives you happiness. because they don't know love at all. don't force yourself to live in their world, as they will forget to take a peek at how you're doing in his world. if he ever caused you unhappiness or sufferings, he might never feel the guilt. and remember, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE HIS WORLD FOR YOU. cause his world is important, NOT YOU. he will never realize how cruel he is to you.

don't try to do many things for him, cause you will never be able to achieve significance in his heart. not matter how hard you try, you will never be of equal importance than those who were originally there. he doesn't know what is important in your world, he never wanted to be a part of it. because how happy you are in your life, simply doesn't concern or matter to him at all.

so humans, before you think whether a person is good enough for you, please ask yourself what do you have to offer. don't ever succumb to other's expectations, be who you have to be, cause those who appreciate you, never will expect this of you. they love you not the ideal. not their pride, not their face, and definitely not how their peers think of you. you are the only thing they love, nothing but you.

one of the saddest things in the world is to love somebody who doesn't love you back at all. although the words often hang on his mouth, it's painful to see his reminisce of his past lingers around his actions in the present. every move he makes, every word he says, i could see her in his eyes. whatever he does, there's always a part of her that can never be absent.

everytime he says "i love you", in my heart is always "me or her?" it's always the "are you sure" feeling i want to ask him. is he sure that he loves me? is he very sure that he can love me?

when you said "sorry i can't promise you anything cause my situation now, i know i cannot give you what you want." i could see your psychological barrier, her standing in the middle of me & you. and i could see that your choice was not to forget her. she is too inside of you, that's why you never tried thinking what was it that i want.

and it's so painful when i remember that it was you who insisted on starting this love. if you love me, why did you choose to bring me this pain? when you know it might hurt me, why didn't you stop? my life could have been much happier now.


it's often unfair, painful, and saddening, but yes, it happened in my life.

MY PART FOUR

for the past 6months, i've been living in this shadow called "belief". i believed that if i worked hard enough, one day he would love me differently. one day he will develop a new love for me and not force me to squeeze into his old one. but it just took a few heartbreaking sentence to let me know that this bubble was burst.

he would never ever have any space for me, never ever ....

i wish she will come back to you one day since i will never ever be as good as her in your heart.
if she ever comes back, i wish the both of you happiness forever ......

god bless you .....

AND FINALLY, MY SO CALLED "FINALE" ....

at this note of my life, i wished i never loved a guy. it has come to some point of my life where i contemplate to stop loving guys ......

i need to start loving myself and not live to be another person's ideal someone. i should not take the shadows of another woman to make my man love me.

if this fails, then i can try to love a girl ...
lesbianism has finally came across my mind, at this time ...