Listen to my favourite songs because the lyrics they sing are words I'm scared to say.

Disclaimer

Absence of vulgarities are not guaranteed. By proceeding to further readings, you're obliged to keep your comments discreet and polite, without any intention to trample on my foot.
Do NOT quote anything here as these are just my personal thoughts, they MIGHT NOT be facts.

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JOLYNN CHEW

A goddamn PERFECTIONIST
loves to be doted on like a PRINCESS
Looks for SINCERITY, SUPPORT, UNDERSTANDING in a person
she Is MATERIALISTIC
LOVES belle, and that's FOREVER.
EASY to talk to, but HARD to please.

Events Calendar

LIFE IS UNEVENTFUL NOW.

Loves

1. He's nice

'Bad boys' may sound more appealing when you're under 25 and you just want lots of fun and hot sex, says dating guru, Peter Spalton. But as you're ready to settle down with someone, your 'wants' evolve: And the truth is nice guys who don't lie and cheat their way through life make better prospects than cads. "Every woman wants to find a man who is loving, kind, and loyal," says relationships expert, Amanda Kane. If you're going to pick someone to go through life with -- through thick and thin -- his integrity is of utmost importance. He must also have the capacity for empathy: "The ability to understand your partner, and put yourself in their emotional shoes, facilitates constructive communication," adds Kane.

2. He is able to deal with conflicts constructively

Squabbles are bound arise in your relationship, it's how you deal with them that counts. Think about how he usually reacts when you fight. Can you get through an argument without him flying off the handle when you raise important issues? Does he talk things out in a calm manner? Is he willing to move on from the disagreement without holding a grudge? These are all good signs that he could deal with arguments in a mature manner. "Every relationship has inevitable conflict," says Kane. "Men who are good long term partners are able to manage their anger by acknowledging feelings and expressing them constructively, not destructively."

side note: 90% of guys will express DESTRUCTIVELY, so if you find one that does constructive thinking, please hold on and never let go LOL. most guys will go like "i'm gonna burst if this goes on any longer" etc etc. the comments usually revolve around his own emotions than the situation. this is a SURE sign that he will lack the empathy as stated in the first para.

3. He's got a good sense of humor

A good sense of humor always seems to feature highly on any list of desirable qualities in a prospective partner. It's a nice bonus to be able to have fun with a partner, especially if you're looking to be in it for the long haul. "A healthy sense of humor is a great way to diffuse heated arguments and put everyday spats into perspective," Kane explains.

4. You've got chemistry

He might seem like a great catch on paper, but what if there's just no spark between the two of you? If you've got very little in common, chances are that it'll be difficult to keep the relationship going in the long term. For Spalton, compatibility is one of the most important boxes to tick. "I believe that what you need to look for in a long term relationship is someone who you click with emotionally, intellectually and physically," he advises. "Similar sexual preferences/appetites are also very important. Trouble can be brewing if you like to experiment sexually and he doesn't, or vice versa." (HAHA)

7 SIGNS THAT HE'S READY FOR THE RING

Some men plop down on their knee and ask the magical "Will you marry me" question within a year of dating, while some are still taking things slow after five. It's hard to put a time stamp on everything, least of all relationships. And there's no right or wrong standard -- it really depends on the couple.

But as you're waiting for your guy to pop the question, how do you know that he's really in it for the long haul? Look for these signs that say he's ready to spend the rest of his life with you.

1. He's keen on couple time

If he's ditching time with the guys in favor of being with you, it's a sign that he's strongly committed to the relationship. It's not healthy to spend 24/7 together though, so there should be some balance between spending time with you and having outside interests to focus on.

2. He respects you

Does he listen to what you have to say? Is he willing to compromise to keep you happy? These are signs that he's respectful of you and cares about your feelings.

side note: this one is GOD DAMN DAMN DAMN important. if your happiness is essentially attributed to his, then there's not much problem that will go unsolved. as long as your happiness is first place in his heart, this guy is definitely ready for the ring. if he's still half not over his games or own hobbies/preference, never ever ever commit to him. not saying that he should totally forsake those activities, but he needs to have the ability to do so when the need arises. and if he can't do it for you, he can't do it for YOUR family with him. saying that he'll do it when necessary definitely DOES NOT COUNT =)

3. You're making long term plans together

When he discusses his future, does he speak solely about himself or include you in his potential plans? If he's talking more about "me" than "us", it suggests that he's not thinking about your relationship in the long term. If you're already actively making long term plans like buying a home, rest assured that most men won't want to enter into this kind of commitment without being completely sure that you're going to stay together.

side note: if he's completely sure, higher chance that he'll be more supportive of certain plans that will seem absurd to guys who aren't ready, he'll totally see your point, cause he's in it with YOU =)

4. He's getting his finances in order

Men often like to be financially secure before they feel comfortable making a long term commitment so if he's started looking at pension plans and other long term financial provisions, there's a good chance that he's preparing for a future that doesn't only involve himself.

side note: of course this is damn important. no money no talk HAHAHAHA.

5. You're always on the guest list for family events

Regularly being invited to spend time with his close family is a sign that he wants you to be involved in his world. Most guys wait until they're sure that the relationship has a future before they start introducing you to family and friends so it's a promising sign if you're a regular fixture at family gatherings. On a similar note, it's a good sign if he's also making a big effort to be involved with your family and friends as it shows that he wants both of you to play an important role in each other's lives.

6. He does a lot of the running

Does he take the initiative a lot in the relationship or is it you who's doing all of the work?

side note: this one is no joke !! trust me, guys have ego issues. if you do all the work, one day he's gonna tell you he feels that he has no say and then the relationships goes downhill from there. if he's not doing the work, make him start ~ take a step back. i know irritating right, don't want to do anything but want to say so much(lol).

7. His friends are settling down

Peer pressure can be a big factor in influencing when a man is ready to make a long term commitment. If most or all of his friends are making trips down the aisle, he may decide that it's high time he did the same.

side note: of course if it's just pure pressure, say no la !! lol.

FIGHTING STYLES THAT LEAD TO DIVORCES

after marriage, there're bound be some obstacles a couple has to overcome before living happily ever after. and what are some of those that fatally affects the marriage?

1. The most toxic fighting styles

It's common knowledge that couples who yell or call each other names have a higher chance of getting divorced. But the study found that one of the worst ways to fight is when one spouse deals with conflict constructively (for example, calmly talking matters through, listening to their partner's point of view) and the other spouse withdraws.

i swear to agree with the highlighted part 100%, totally irritating.

"This pattern seems to have a damaging effect on the longevity of marriage," said the study's lead author Kira Birditt. "Spouses who deal with conflicts constructively may view their partners' habit of withdrawing as a lack of investment in the relationship rather than an attempt to cool down."

Couples in which both partners used constructive strategies had lower divorce rates, the study found.

2. Men and women differ

Although women were more likely to use destructive strategies (like withdrawal) early in their marriage, they were also more likely to deal with marital conflicts in constructive ways over time as the relationship progressed.

Men's behaviors, on the other hand, stayed the same through the years. (so don't wait for them to change, if they don't change, don't marry them !! =D if not, you're likely in for regrets if in the end he doesn't change.)

"Relationships and the quality of relationships may be more central to women's lives than they are to men," Birditt said. "As a result, over the course of marriage, women may be more likely to recognize that withdrawing from conflict or using destructive strategies is neither effective nor beneficial to the overall well-being and stability of their marriages."

3. Fights in the first year of marriage are not divorce predictors

29 percent of husband and 21 percent of wives reported having no conflicts at all in the first year of their marriage. Nonetheless, 46 percent of the couples had divorced by Year 16. Interestingly, whether or not couples reported any conflict during the first year of marriage did not affect whether they had divorced by the end of the study.

i hope those were interesting info for everyone =) ok i'm off to slacking ~

3:50 PM

No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean,
for words are slippery and thoughts are vicious.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

from spotting great guys to handling your marriage. @ 3:50 PM

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT A GUY'S A KEEPER?