Sunday, June 5, 2011

"Struggle" is the word. @ 8:10 PM

have been into deep thought the whole of yesterday night, and today. and one word to describe life to me would be "Struggle". i've found it hard to believe things like just don't think about things and it will be fine tomorrow, because ultimately when it finds its way back in your mind years down the road, i don't think that it's a better feeling to know you've let it pass you without thought. okay don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to change anyone, or lives, but it's purely my own perspective i'm penning down here. if it has to influence anyone, i hope it's positive. =)

so why struggle? let's just talk about something that most people can relate to, parents. we can't choose our parents but i believe many of us out there have difficulty feeling happy and satisfied with them all the time. at the same time, we know about Filial Piety, Respect, Understanding, etc. and it's fascinating how many people chose their own happiness and satisfaction over the basic virtues. i'm no exception.

because we are unhappy, and our parents feel it, they've made changes. while we, will sit there and continue thinking what changes we hope to see in them. seeing through others is always easy, too easy. but why get so busy looking into others, when we can't even see ourselves. we're the ones who've not changed, and we do not realize that. even if we did, it's that instant pang of guilt out of nowhere, did we really do much about it? where's our actions?

i've not gather courage to apologize sincerely face-to-face to my mum for all the hurtful things i've ever said and done since the day i was here by her side. i've done too much to hurt, but none to heal. i used to conveniently tell myself, it's ok she will understand. but somehow, inside me i know it's not enough. i say she will understand, everything is i say, who told me it's right? it's me, myself. is it really right? i think those reading this will all know, it's a no. it's called taking for granted.



my source of thoughts came by when i was listening to Ching Fei's speech on Effective Listening during volunteer training, and watching the movie Easy A, this afternoon. in his speech there was the Cup analogy, and 4mindset thing, i hope i get them right since this is by memory.

Cup Analogy

there are 3 kinds of half-filled cups. please leave science out of this to make logic out of it.

1) overturned half-filled cup.

when the cup is overturned, the base facing up, no more water can go in. if we see water as information, it means that we do not let new information go in. although it's only half-filled, we think we already know everything, and we do not need to know more.

2) the contaminated/toppled cup.

in this cup, there's water, but filled with pollution, bacteria, contamination etc etc. so even when clean water in poured in, it gets dirty right? so i believe every being out there already have own sets of thinkings built from our life experiences. we have all kinds of preconceived notions towards issues and people, so much that when people share first hand experience regarding the same issue, we at times refuse to detach ourselves from our judgements.

as for toppled cup, it's a direct inference as "one ear in one ear out". whatever amount of water poured, gets poured out, due to various reasons. judgements, prejudcies, preconceived notions, disinterest. whatever it is.

3) the upright half-filled cup.

it's there on the table, waiting and ready for new information. possess space and area for thinking and analyzing.

and the 4kinds of mindset that is beneficial for effective listening that we should have, but we usually do not possess. then again, it's based on my memory of the talk, so it might not be 100% accurate.

1) there's something i don't know.
2) i really want to know something.
3) this person can help me to understand more.
4) i want to follow the instructions given by this person to find out more.

one clarification to make, these 4mindsets need not refer to the same person, it can happen at different venues, timing, and occassions.

how often do we really think we don't know something? we might say we don't know, but we always have something to say about it. and when we don't know, when do we really want to know? by saying we really want to learn about it, it's hard enough for some people, just like me. therefore, it makes taking the right attitude to learn a step higher/tougher if we do not listen.

i think in order to hit point 3 and point 4, the main attribute is with no doubt, humbleness. in the event of someone having a different perspective from you, yet you know he/she could be jolly well right about the thing more than you are. how do you overcome your pride to tell yourself yes i got it wrong and i need to learn from that person.

most of the time, we spend our minutes defending and deluding oursleves in heart that we're still right. when are we ready to accept what seems like a loss of ego to us? only when we really need help from that person, or when there're no other alternatives, right? is it too late? or could it have been prevented if we put our ego down and listened right from the start?


i would say being humble might seem putting yourself at a loss in that instant moment, but i think it's us that benefit at the end point. i might be able to type these 2paragraphs at ease, but i have to be ashamed that i haven't really be able to apply it towards people around me. sometimes when you meet people who are definitely doing things not correct, and i think it is the most critical position and time to display humbleness, because in times like this, it's the best time for pride to over-develop. how do we go about noticing good in people when we already think we're good enough?



a super common scenario, bickering with friends about directions and addresses of destinations. sometimes we might have been to that area just recently, it has moved or ways of accessing that location have changed. some may be informed, some may not have been. and so we BET, like over a drink or something for getting the right answer. so in that fervent mood we find out the answer, and when we lose, we got that suck thumb feeling you know, and tell ourselves, it's ok, we 愿赌福输. but what was our initial attitude? we really 愿赌福输 or just comforting ourselves?

haven't we thought if we adopted a different attitude on learning and listening, we needn't face the awkward situation. since it's a different opinion, why don't we explore both, and thank the one who had the right one instead of penalizing the one with the incorrect one? observing merits, not faults.

yeah we can say "aiya relax, it's for the fun of it." on the surface, yes.

many things we do, is because society do. because most people do, then it becomes CORRECT, or NOTHING WRONG to just go with the crowd. so saying "hello" to strangers every morning becomes a "wrong" or "weird" thing to do. so since there's been alot of murder cases, and one day it becomes a norm, do the rules have to change and make it correct? do we happen to lack thinking skills at times? where did we hide the ability to differentiate real right, from perceived right?

it's common to scold vulgarities, or sleep around in certain continents of the world, and this area is expanding as globalization kicks in. they might say move with times. but how long can you be "correct" for? it's only this lifetime. i would call this stage "delusion", and on the other side "enlightenment".

for christians, they don't believe in afterlife, but they do have judgement day. are you seriously going to spend say 75years of life deluding yourselves with society problems, and then regret on judgement day which will last eternally? God can forgive you, but how easily are you going to forgive YOURSELVES?

for buddhists, they believe in afterlife. yes alot of lives right, got alot of time. but when is this cycle gonna end? don't forget, life is a struggle, and these struggles are just gonna get harder till the point where you're gonna make yourself think Delusion, is Enlightenment. that's when you'll never get there anymore. when are you going to start breaking the vicious cycle? now? or never?

i'm not too sure for other religions, but i think it's safe to say that an orthodox religion, doesn't change its teachings to accomodate society. it's the process of learning that has changed, but not the rights and wrongs. these changes in process have so much been pinpointed and exploited, and somehow it becomes true. it's pretty saddening.

definitely, successful people tell you morals and values are not the way to money sucess and all. but getting achievements in fame, wealth, and many other credential aspects, brings happiness to one, not many. and how long can you keep those with you? do we really need to wait till we're 70years old to know what we can bring with us? or are we not going to realize even until the last minute of our lives? if we think we're smart or lucky tohave done things right, just because we have materialistic successes now, think again. what you haven't really face, is yourself.


don't tell yourself it's right, and sink in, when you jolly well know that it's not. don't make things too convenient, or it'll be meaningless. because everyone does it, it doesn't mean you'll be spared from guilt. even you have done something wrong, it doesn't mean you need to continue.

changes can be done in gradual steps, don't wait for others to start. ask yourself, when are you going to start? when you need to? or when you want to?

i've seen regular ex-convicts turn a total new leaf. ex-prostitutes, stop what they're doing. gamblers, teaching people how to quit gambling. BUT i'm seeing even more people joining the "big group", staging protests, joining the crowd, cause it's really cool. easy way out, but also shows that you're not up to the challenges.

it all boils down to self-discipline, good changes, humbleness, listening, and most importantly, integrity. start with you.

if you say, not now, then when? if you say, not you, then who?

see the REAL struggle, it's not the part about eating humble pie, not the part about abstinence from common society habits, it's being deluded. cause delusion, will be there to stay, until you decide to CHANGE. i think that life is less struggling after i've gone through certain obstacles trying to gain enlightenment. i'm not really there yet, but i'm happy i'm still trying. and it's all in the heart, how much you wanna do it, because nobody can do it for you. you gotta wanna do it yourself =)

ok there isn't gonna be an end if i need to finish writing this. i think it's sufficient for now. pretty much all i'm thinking. if you finish reading this, i thank you a lot. and i seek forgiveness for any bad vibes displayed subconciously on my part. please ignore them, and seek the literal meaning behind content. thank you =)

Sunday, June 5, 2011

"Struggle" is the word. @ 8:10 PM

have been into deep thought the whole of yesterday night, and today. and one word to describe life to me would be "Struggle". i've found it hard to believe things like just don't think about things and it will be fine tomorrow, because ultimately when it finds its way back in your mind years down the road, i don't think that it's a better feeling to know you've let it pass you without thought. okay don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to change anyone, or lives, but it's purely my own perspective i'm penning down here. if it has to influence anyone, i hope it's positive. =)

so why struggle? let's just talk about something that most people can relate to, parents. we can't choose our parents but i believe many of us out there have difficulty feeling happy and satisfied with them all the time. at the same time, we know about Filial Piety, Respect, Understanding, etc. and it's fascinating how many people chose their own happiness and satisfaction over the basic virtues. i'm no exception.

because we are unhappy, and our parents feel it, they've made changes. while we, will sit there and continue thinking what changes we hope to see in them. seeing through others is always easy, too easy. but why get so busy looking into others, when we can't even see ourselves. we're the ones who've not changed, and we do not realize that. even if we did, it's that instant pang of guilt out of nowhere, did we really do much about it? where's our actions?

i've not gather courage to apologize sincerely face-to-face to my mum for all the hurtful things i've ever said and done since the day i was here by her side. i've done too much to hurt, but none to heal. i used to conveniently tell myself, it's ok she will understand. but somehow, inside me i know it's not enough. i say she will understand, everything is i say, who told me it's right? it's me, myself. is it really right? i think those reading this will all know, it's a no. it's called taking for granted.



my source of thoughts came by when i was listening to Ching Fei's speech on Effective Listening during volunteer training, and watching the movie Easy A, this afternoon. in his speech there was the Cup analogy, and 4mindset thing, i hope i get them right since this is by memory.

Cup Analogy

there are 3 kinds of half-filled cups. please leave science out of this to make logic out of it.

1) overturned half-filled cup.

when the cup is overturned, the base facing up, no more water can go in. if we see water as information, it means that we do not let new information go in. although it's only half-filled, we think we already know everything, and we do not need to know more.

2) the contaminated/toppled cup.

in this cup, there's water, but filled with pollution, bacteria, contamination etc etc. so even when clean water in poured in, it gets dirty right? so i believe every being out there already have own sets of thinkings built from our life experiences. we have all kinds of preconceived notions towards issues and people, so much that when people share first hand experience regarding the same issue, we at times refuse to detach ourselves from our judgements.

as for toppled cup, it's a direct inference as "one ear in one ear out". whatever amount of water poured, gets poured out, due to various reasons. judgements, prejudcies, preconceived notions, disinterest. whatever it is.

3) the upright half-filled cup.

it's there on the table, waiting and ready for new information. possess space and area for thinking and analyzing.

and the 4kinds of mindset that is beneficial for effective listening that we should have, but we usually do not possess. then again, it's based on my memory of the talk, so it might not be 100% accurate.

1) there's something i don't know.
2) i really want to know something.
3) this person can help me to understand more.
4) i want to follow the instructions given by this person to find out more.

one clarification to make, these 4mindsets need not refer to the same person, it can happen at different venues, timing, and occassions.

how often do we really think we don't know something? we might say we don't know, but we always have something to say about it. and when we don't know, when do we really want to know? by saying we really want to learn about it, it's hard enough for some people, just like me. therefore, it makes taking the right attitude to learn a step higher/tougher if we do not listen.

i think in order to hit point 3 and point 4, the main attribute is with no doubt, humbleness. in the event of someone having a different perspective from you, yet you know he/she could be jolly well right about the thing more than you are. how do you overcome your pride to tell yourself yes i got it wrong and i need to learn from that person.

most of the time, we spend our minutes defending and deluding oursleves in heart that we're still right. when are we ready to accept what seems like a loss of ego to us? only when we really need help from that person, or when there're no other alternatives, right? is it too late? or could it have been prevented if we put our ego down and listened right from the start?


i would say being humble might seem putting yourself at a loss in that instant moment, but i think it's us that benefit at the end point. i might be able to type these 2paragraphs at ease, but i have to be ashamed that i haven't really be able to apply it towards people around me. sometimes when you meet people who are definitely doing things not correct, and i think it is the most critical position and time to display humbleness, because in times like this, it's the best time for pride to over-develop. how do we go about noticing good in people when we already think we're good enough?



a super common scenario, bickering with friends about directions and addresses of destinations. sometimes we might have been to that area just recently, it has moved or ways of accessing that location have changed. some may be informed, some may not have been. and so we BET, like over a drink or something for getting the right answer. so in that fervent mood we find out the answer, and when we lose, we got that suck thumb feeling you know, and tell ourselves, it's ok, we 愿赌福输. but what was our initial attitude? we really 愿赌福输 or just comforting ourselves?

haven't we thought if we adopted a different attitude on learning and listening, we needn't face the awkward situation. since it's a different opinion, why don't we explore both, and thank the one who had the right one instead of penalizing the one with the incorrect one? observing merits, not faults.

yeah we can say "aiya relax, it's for the fun of it." on the surface, yes.

many things we do, is because society do. because most people do, then it becomes CORRECT, or NOTHING WRONG to just go with the crowd. so saying "hello" to strangers every morning becomes a "wrong" or "weird" thing to do. so since there's been alot of murder cases, and one day it becomes a norm, do the rules have to change and make it correct? do we happen to lack thinking skills at times? where did we hide the ability to differentiate real right, from perceived right?

it's common to scold vulgarities, or sleep around in certain continents of the world, and this area is expanding as globalization kicks in. they might say move with times. but how long can you be "correct" for? it's only this lifetime. i would call this stage "delusion", and on the other side "enlightenment".

for christians, they don't believe in afterlife, but they do have judgement day. are you seriously going to spend say 75years of life deluding yourselves with society problems, and then regret on judgement day which will last eternally? God can forgive you, but how easily are you going to forgive YOURSELVES?

for buddhists, they believe in afterlife. yes alot of lives right, got alot of time. but when is this cycle gonna end? don't forget, life is a struggle, and these struggles are just gonna get harder till the point where you're gonna make yourself think Delusion, is Enlightenment. that's when you'll never get there anymore. when are you going to start breaking the vicious cycle? now? or never?

i'm not too sure for other religions, but i think it's safe to say that an orthodox religion, doesn't change its teachings to accomodate society. it's the process of learning that has changed, but not the rights and wrongs. these changes in process have so much been pinpointed and exploited, and somehow it becomes true. it's pretty saddening.

definitely, successful people tell you morals and values are not the way to money sucess and all. but getting achievements in fame, wealth, and many other credential aspects, brings happiness to one, not many. and how long can you keep those with you? do we really need to wait till we're 70years old to know what we can bring with us? or are we not going to realize even until the last minute of our lives? if we think we're smart or lucky tohave done things right, just because we have materialistic successes now, think again. what you haven't really face, is yourself.


don't tell yourself it's right, and sink in, when you jolly well know that it's not. don't make things too convenient, or it'll be meaningless. because everyone does it, it doesn't mean you'll be spared from guilt. even you have done something wrong, it doesn't mean you need to continue.

changes can be done in gradual steps, don't wait for others to start. ask yourself, when are you going to start? when you need to? or when you want to?

i've seen regular ex-convicts turn a total new leaf. ex-prostitutes, stop what they're doing. gamblers, teaching people how to quit gambling. BUT i'm seeing even more people joining the "big group", staging protests, joining the crowd, cause it's really cool. easy way out, but also shows that you're not up to the challenges.

it all boils down to self-discipline, good changes, humbleness, listening, and most importantly, integrity. start with you.

if you say, not now, then when? if you say, not you, then who?

see the REAL struggle, it's not the part about eating humble pie, not the part about abstinence from common society habits, it's being deluded. cause delusion, will be there to stay, until you decide to CHANGE. i think that life is less struggling after i've gone through certain obstacles trying to gain enlightenment. i'm not really there yet, but i'm happy i'm still trying. and it's all in the heart, how much you wanna do it, because nobody can do it for you. you gotta wanna do it yourself =)

ok there isn't gonna be an end if i need to finish writing this. i think it's sufficient for now. pretty much all i'm thinking. if you finish reading this, i thank you a lot. and i seek forgiveness for any bad vibes displayed subconciously on my part. please ignore them, and seek the literal meaning behind content. thank you =)